Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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