my mouth tastes like poor choices
That's when you crack a 10am beer
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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