I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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