i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
