somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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