My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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