I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
