and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
