i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
