Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize