a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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