Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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