THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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