Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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