So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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