ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
