I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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