I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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