WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
