While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want nice things and good sex
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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