Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
