Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
