I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
