Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
