You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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