put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
