I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i drank out of a bidet.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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