he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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