now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
