Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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