god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
