Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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