Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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