ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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