I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
