Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
