Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize