You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
