my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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