you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
