Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
