Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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