also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
