she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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