I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
