Pants 0. Shit 1.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
