Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
