can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
