oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
