I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
