It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize