The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize