You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
