In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
