so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
