THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
