chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just want to make out with him forever
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
