the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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