So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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