You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
