i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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