i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
