I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize