Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize