I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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