We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
