I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
