When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
