Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
