Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
