I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
