Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
