if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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