I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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